Reality Tends To Intrude

For a while, things are going much better. Insights have been gained, new and considerably more compassionate relationship dynamics are being employed with oneself, self care is becoming a real and active part of everyday life, and as a result, you're feeling "exited about life" for the first time in many years. You're experiencing genuine hope for the future, a more open expanse of possibilities, instead of the dark tunnel of despair and depression that has been your abode for so long.

Then, it's as though the wrathful hand of God has slapped you across your beseeching, uplifted face. Not you! it seems to say. Did you really think I'd let you feel good about yourself! Who do you think you are?!

To make matters worse, you are, without really knowing it, the one playing God. It is actually your own self judgment and self criticism, along with your own unrealistic expectations about your recovery, that is exacerbating your slide back down the slope of old behavioral and emotional habits. You were doing things right, you figured, and the results were real. I've arrived! It's been a long journey, but I've finally arrived! Whew!

What you haven't accounted for is what I like to call your "defaults". Those patterns that are simply programmed deeply into your personality, and are the places you will tend to "default to" under stress. The familiar. The well established. The original. Everyone has them, and learning to live with them in more creative and loving ways is a key to continued recovery and development. The reality of "two steps forward, one step back", has to be understood and integrated as a natural part of the healing and growth process. Especially in the early stages of recovery.



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