What I'm referring to are the concepts involved in understanding how the psyche generally works.
I'm not even talking about the subconscious, or the unconscious, collective or otherwise. I'm simply talking about the basic rules of the road that seem to apply to everyone. For example, when we're afraid of being judged, we often employ a defense strategy - a "mechanism" - that will keep us protected from feeling the painful feeling of being judged by another. We might decide, internally, and probably out of consciousness (ok, I AM talking about the unconscious) that we don't care what anyone thinks or says about us, and present to the world, to other people, an outward demeanor that looks carefree and confident.
If it's too difficult - embarrassing, shame inducing, contrary to our image of our self - to admit that we were not able to be truly present for an intimate when they really needed us to be, we might offer any number of "rationalizations" or justifications, or just plain excuses, rather than feel the depth of the anger or the betrayal or the pain that our intimate is experiencing.
These sorts of things are very common. We have all learned and invented personal versions of them, and other strategies, to protect ourselves from unwanted feelings or thoughts. It's this sort of thing that I refer to when I say "It's not rocket science". Coming to understand these common psychological behaviors isn't all that difficult. What becomes difficult is to learn to see how they operate within ourselves, to learn how to "bust" ourselves when we're doing them, and to learn new ways of seeing and behaving that will contribute to freeing us from our own self defeating ways of doing things in relationship with others and with ourselves.
It does indeed take time, and effort, to learn and to establish new habits, and more self supporting ways of being in the world.
www.matthewdavid-lpcc.webs.com
No comments:
Post a Comment