In the end, at the end of the day, in terms of the bottom line (can you think of any other cliches along these lines?), it's all about relationship, and it is the force of something that might well be called love that holds the universe together. This is basic physics now, and maybe basic biology, ecology, sociology, psychology, medicine, neuroscience, and on and on. Of course it has always been basic spirituality, but not many have cared to hear this, and perhaps still not many care to hear. When I say "hear", I mean "structure their lives according to these fundamental truths".
More usually, or so it seems judging from the condition of the world, people are busy being ideologues, or chasing wealth, or accumulating stuff, or building the machinery of power over others, or showing off, or imposing rules and regulations, or missing the most essential points of what a genuine life consists of in any number of similar ways.
Relationship. Of course there's relationship well and truly done, and then there's all the rest; the "norm", or relationship conducted cluelessly, self-servingly, manipulatively, dishonestly, selfishly (in the worst, not the best sense of that word).
Cooperative relationship. Collaborative relationship. Interdependent relationship. Mutually successful and supportive relationship. Win-Win relationship.
If these concepts are confusing, or totally foreign, or amusing, or ridiculous, or dismissable, or embarrassing, or in any other ways out of reach to you, I'm not sure what benefit you might derive from therapy with me.
I'm not talking about just being nice. This has value, of course. And it is far from enough to capture the meaning of the fundamental nature of the essential universal structure of relationship.
"Love" is a summary and an essential truth of life. It's not sappy, or sentimental, or mushy, or stupid or weak. It's the glue of all of existence. Including human and non-human existence. Including of psychological and emotional and spiritual and physical well being. Including of happiness. Everyone ought to be setting themselves the task of learning everything they possibly can about love, and most importantly how to implement it in their lives.
Loving relationship. With others. With self. The "stuff" of existence. Make it the center of your life.
http://www.youtube.com/user/dragomirnet86#p/a/u/0/Vw4KVoEVcr0
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Thursday, May 26, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
I AM, The Movie
I recently saw the documentary movie I AM, written and directed by Tom Shadyac. This film explores questions about the neurobiology - the hard wiring - of the human brain and nervous system as it relates to violence, competition, cooperation and compassion, how the natural world functions regarding these qualities, as well as other questions pertaining to the development of human culture, economy, values, the good life, happiness, spirituality, and the state of the world. If this all sounds ponderous, I suppose it is, and yet the film manages to do all of this in very human terms, and with very personal and accessible meaning.
One of the interviewees in the film is Thom Hartman, a radio talk show host, former psychotherapist, progressive political thinker and author. Given my biases, I was especially able to relate to Thom's perception and language in identifying the view, among indigenous peoples, that behaviors such as the accumulation of more than one needs are a form of "mental illness". In the context of the film, and its examination of the rabid consumerism of contemporary developed society along with its implications and its consequences, this characterization makes a lot of sense.
Shadyac himself has become a reformed insane consumer, selling off his gargantuan accumulations - he had been an enormously successful director of mainstream box office smash hit comedy films - giving away much of his fortune, and pairing down his global and social footprint to include such things as moving into a mobile home park, and riding his bike to work. Here's a guy who is walking his talk.
So, we learn in the film that we are indeed hard wired for compassion and cooperation, and not, as we have all been taught to believe, for violence and greed and narrow self aggrandizement, and that Nature functions primarily according to these principles as well.
Oh, see the movie, and get a good idea of what mental and spiritual health consists of. Then do what you can to make the necessary changes in your life
mdavid-lpcc.com
One of the interviewees in the film is Thom Hartman, a radio talk show host, former psychotherapist, progressive political thinker and author. Given my biases, I was especially able to relate to Thom's perception and language in identifying the view, among indigenous peoples, that behaviors such as the accumulation of more than one needs are a form of "mental illness". In the context of the film, and its examination of the rabid consumerism of contemporary developed society along with its implications and its consequences, this characterization makes a lot of sense.
Shadyac himself has become a reformed insane consumer, selling off his gargantuan accumulations - he had been an enormously successful director of mainstream box office smash hit comedy films - giving away much of his fortune, and pairing down his global and social footprint to include such things as moving into a mobile home park, and riding his bike to work. Here's a guy who is walking his talk.
So, we learn in the film that we are indeed hard wired for compassion and cooperation, and not, as we have all been taught to believe, for violence and greed and narrow self aggrandizement, and that Nature functions primarily according to these principles as well.
Oh, see the movie, and get a good idea of what mental and spiritual health consists of. Then do what you can to make the necessary changes in your life
mdavid-lpcc.com
Sunday, March 20, 2011
An Original Life In The Making
There is something deeply inspiring when a client realizes that she is on a course that will break fundamentally from some of the basics of what she has been taught and conditioned to, and that in spite of the difficulties that this presents, is committed to the journey at hand. Imagine, coming up against your history, your training, what is familiar to you, what you have seen and felt and heard modeled to you all of your life, and understanding that these norms cannot work for you if you are to be healthy and true to yourself, if you are to be able to experience the kinds of intimate and meaningful relationships you know you want.
At this point you are an artist of the highest order, engaged in creating your life in a form that is entirely new, unique and original. As with any deeply original creative process, there will be challenges, obstacles, and setbacks along the way. This is not a fantasy of some brilliantly easy and spontaneous creative inspiration, but something more along the lines of Thomas Edison's declaration that genius is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration. You're going to have to work at it.
And play at it, if I might add. Not to give the impression that this wonderful creative enterprise is a grueling, relentless exercise of gargantuan effort alone.
The ability to laugh, to play, to tend the fledgling creation gently is of paramount importance as well. And, of course, it may well be to your benefit to have the proper guidance on the way.
mdavid-lpcc.com
At this point you are an artist of the highest order, engaged in creating your life in a form that is entirely new, unique and original. As with any deeply original creative process, there will be challenges, obstacles, and setbacks along the way. This is not a fantasy of some brilliantly easy and spontaneous creative inspiration, but something more along the lines of Thomas Edison's declaration that genius is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration. You're going to have to work at it.
And play at it, if I might add. Not to give the impression that this wonderful creative enterprise is a grueling, relentless exercise of gargantuan effort alone.
The ability to laugh, to play, to tend the fledgling creation gently is of paramount importance as well. And, of course, it may well be to your benefit to have the proper guidance on the way.
mdavid-lpcc.com
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Grief, Vulnerability And Love In Marriage
She had just learned that an old friend, with whom she had had no contact for many years, had died 16 months ago. She was in shock. Why had no one told her, or her family, with whom this woman had also been close, that she had died? She was dis-oriented, vulnerable, confused, and, of course, sad. How could this great opening be a catalyst for the expression of love and support in a very troubled marriage? Or could it be?
If you've ever been present at a birth, or a death, you will know that these experiences and these times are portals into the realm of the sacred. What did I mean by that, he wanted to know? What did I mean by "sacred" in this context? An opening so raw and so deep that it brings you to the depths of your very being. A whisper's breath from God. Yes, he said. That was something that made sense to him. That was something he could feel in this experience of his wife's having been torn open.
How then could this shared experience be honored as an opportunity to provide some element of healing in this troubled marriage? How could it be embraced as a moment, and as a process in which to express the truth of the sacred in the form of the love these two people acknowledge that they have for one another? It would require the exercise of extra care and tenderness between two highly defended people who have a long history of violating one another's trust and boundaries, and of emotionally injuring one another.
I will try to be present for you, to be patient with you, and to not lash out in anger, he said. And I will try to ask for what I need, she offered. The empathic connection was there in session. Could they sustain it outside? Could the power of the sacred, and the power of love supercede the habits of defense and of anger that have dominated the relationship between these two sensitive people, even for a while? That is my prayer.
mdavid-lpcc.com
If you've ever been present at a birth, or a death, you will know that these experiences and these times are portals into the realm of the sacred. What did I mean by that, he wanted to know? What did I mean by "sacred" in this context? An opening so raw and so deep that it brings you to the depths of your very being. A whisper's breath from God. Yes, he said. That was something that made sense to him. That was something he could feel in this experience of his wife's having been torn open.
How then could this shared experience be honored as an opportunity to provide some element of healing in this troubled marriage? How could it be embraced as a moment, and as a process in which to express the truth of the sacred in the form of the love these two people acknowledge that they have for one another? It would require the exercise of extra care and tenderness between two highly defended people who have a long history of violating one another's trust and boundaries, and of emotionally injuring one another.
I will try to be present for you, to be patient with you, and to not lash out in anger, he said. And I will try to ask for what I need, she offered. The empathic connection was there in session. Could they sustain it outside? Could the power of the sacred, and the power of love supercede the habits of defense and of anger that have dominated the relationship between these two sensitive people, even for a while? That is my prayer.
mdavid-lpcc.com
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Happy 2011
I'd like to offer my wishes to you that 2011 might be one of the best years you've ever had. Along with these good wishes I offer my prayers for an ever deepening awareness of the inescapable inter-connectedness of all life, of the universality of pain and distress, and of the most sane response to these awarenesses - compassion, for self and for all others. Also, may these awarenesses engender a broader and deeper
realization and practice of justice in an apparently unjust world. May we come to see and to experience ourselves more fully as responsible not only for what we each say and do individually, but as having a certain human responsibility for the welfare of all, as well.
It's ironic, and sad really, even deeply troubling, that people often believe that they can achieve happiness by focusing exclusively on their own well being, thinking that this focus need have nothing to do with anyone else in the world. In my work I see people who are in distress of one kind or another, and these people naturally want relief from their distress. It may or may not surprise you to know that whatever the nature of the distress you, or someone else might be experiencing, their is (almost?) always a common element. That element is about relationship. This is true to such an extent that some people go to the extremes of total, or nearly total avoidance of other people in order to try to diminish or eliminate their distress. Others of course go to the other extreme of seemingly limitless and indiscriminate interactions with so many people that a true sense of order is impossible, this also in an attempt to control and/or avoid their own distress.
What both groups of people, and many people in the middle zones as well, fail to see or to understand or to value, is the inescapability of relationship, even if it is "only" the relationship one has with oneself. In the colloquial formula, wherever you go, there you are.
For 2011, may we all come to see, to understand, and to value, the incomparable richness of, and the inevitably present nature of relationship, and may we all come to understand that the only sane, rewarding, viable, sustainable, life affirming, happiness promoting approach to all relationship is one of love and compassion, in the strongest and most liberating meanings of these words.
mdavid-lpcc.com
realization and practice of justice in an apparently unjust world. May we come to see and to experience ourselves more fully as responsible not only for what we each say and do individually, but as having a certain human responsibility for the welfare of all, as well.
It's ironic, and sad really, even deeply troubling, that people often believe that they can achieve happiness by focusing exclusively on their own well being, thinking that this focus need have nothing to do with anyone else in the world. In my work I see people who are in distress of one kind or another, and these people naturally want relief from their distress. It may or may not surprise you to know that whatever the nature of the distress you, or someone else might be experiencing, their is (almost?) always a common element. That element is about relationship. This is true to such an extent that some people go to the extremes of total, or nearly total avoidance of other people in order to try to diminish or eliminate their distress. Others of course go to the other extreme of seemingly limitless and indiscriminate interactions with so many people that a true sense of order is impossible, this also in an attempt to control and/or avoid their own distress.
What both groups of people, and many people in the middle zones as well, fail to see or to understand or to value, is the inescapability of relationship, even if it is "only" the relationship one has with oneself. In the colloquial formula, wherever you go, there you are.
For 2011, may we all come to see, to understand, and to value, the incomparable richness of, and the inevitably present nature of relationship, and may we all come to understand that the only sane, rewarding, viable, sustainable, life affirming, happiness promoting approach to all relationship is one of love and compassion, in the strongest and most liberating meanings of these words.
mdavid-lpcc.com
Sunday, November 21, 2010
"In Treatment", Part Two
Whew! I'm very happy to say that I am much relieved after watching episode two of season two. Paul has been transformed! In any case, his professional performance has taken a dramatic and wonderful turn for the better. Maybe I shouldn't have worried? Maybe I should have understood that the requirements of TV drama were at work, and that in some way, all would return to a happy homeostasis. Of course, and no doubt, these very same requirements will give us other moments of tension regarding Paul, in both his personal and his professional life. (Those of you already into season three, please indulge my time warp experience of what is now well in the past for you. Perhaps all is well now, in a future that I cannot see. But probably not. Not if the series is to continue, eh?)
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Monday, November 15, 2010
"In Treatment" on HBO
It seems that so many people, including me, enjoy this cable tv show, now in its third season. I have to wait a year after the season ends to get it on netflix, since cable isn't available where I live, so I'm just now starting to watch season two. I was talking with my wife about the first episode while and after we were watching it recently, and there is a point that I feel almost compelled to make.
My concern is that most people who are watching this series - that is to say, the lay audience - might not be aware, unless they may have experienced some good therapy themselves as clients, that this series is presenting a portrait of a therapist in crisis, both personally and professionally, and that what the viewing audience is witnessing is a practitioner who is significantly compromised in his abilities to provide good therapy. In other words, we are seeing, often, the delivery of "bad" therapy.
I confirmed this just yesterday with a good friend who also enjoys the series. He acknowledged that he was not aware of this, and that it hadn't occurred to him that "Paul" was not doing a good professional job of it. My friend's partner however, who has experienced long term therapy of her own, did have more of a sense of some of Paul's shortcomings.
I'm concerned about this because people may well view this brilliantly produced and acted series thinking that what they are seeing is what good therapy is like, when it is not, or that they may indeed be turned away from therapy because they might sense or feel that something is "off" in Paul's work, but think that this is what therapy consists of. Yikes! Of course, there is already enough stigma, still - imagine that here we are in the 21st century, and there is still an enormous bias against "mental health" treatment; it's very nearly incomprehensible, but there it is nonetheless - when it comes to therapy. We don't need any more.
The hopeful bit is that at the end of episode one of season two, Paul recognizes that he needs to be back in therapy himself, and plans to begin again with his long time professor, mentor, friend and, now, therapist, Gina (This relationship, by the way, raises other important questions which I won't go into here and now). Good for him. We all hope, of course, that he will benefit personally, and improve professionally as a result. His patients deserve, and require, no less.
mdavid-lpcc.com
My concern is that most people who are watching this series - that is to say, the lay audience - might not be aware, unless they may have experienced some good therapy themselves as clients, that this series is presenting a portrait of a therapist in crisis, both personally and professionally, and that what the viewing audience is witnessing is a practitioner who is significantly compromised in his abilities to provide good therapy. In other words, we are seeing, often, the delivery of "bad" therapy.
I confirmed this just yesterday with a good friend who also enjoys the series. He acknowledged that he was not aware of this, and that it hadn't occurred to him that "Paul" was not doing a good professional job of it. My friend's partner however, who has experienced long term therapy of her own, did have more of a sense of some of Paul's shortcomings.
I'm concerned about this because people may well view this brilliantly produced and acted series thinking that what they are seeing is what good therapy is like, when it is not, or that they may indeed be turned away from therapy because they might sense or feel that something is "off" in Paul's work, but think that this is what therapy consists of. Yikes! Of course, there is already enough stigma, still - imagine that here we are in the 21st century, and there is still an enormous bias against "mental health" treatment; it's very nearly incomprehensible, but there it is nonetheless - when it comes to therapy. We don't need any more.
The hopeful bit is that at the end of episode one of season two, Paul recognizes that he needs to be back in therapy himself, and plans to begin again with his long time professor, mentor, friend and, now, therapist, Gina (This relationship, by the way, raises other important questions which I won't go into here and now). Good for him. We all hope, of course, that he will benefit personally, and improve professionally as a result. His patients deserve, and require, no less.
mdavid-lpcc.com
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