Now you find yourself in a position of "advisor" to a group leader. You have no real power to take charge, but can only make suggestions, or share your observations. On top of that, your boss now is someone you do not admire, and who's abilities you find serioulsy lacking. You know you could do the job much better, and you find yourself experiencing extreme frustration and even a kind of psychic/emotional pain because the organization is in deep trouble and you care about it deeply.
Oh, and by the way, you're a Buddhist whose "real" agenda, whose most profound motivation is the cultivation of an enlightened mind and heart. You haven't been able to practcice formal sitting meditation for over a year now, because of a certain intense anxiety that grips you whenever you even think about sitting. All of this is confusing and, of course, distressing.
Can the real life arena you're in provide you with meaningful opportunites to practice on-the-job meditation? Of course it can. In the midst of your every day activities, off the cushion, you are being given the contexts in which to cultivate the mindfulness and enlightened heart you so appreciate and desire. The only challenge? Why, your ego, of course.
How do you let go of the ego that has served you so well-at least professionally-in the past? How do you cultivate the ability to surrender to a higher truth, when you clearly see the truth of what you could be doing if you were only in the right position? How do you practice "turning it over" when you begin to recognize the compulsive/addictive/self destructive quality of your drive?
This situation, and others like it, have a kind of fire-like potential for transformational practice.
Not for the faint of heart though, there are many paths to enlightened mind.
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