I've been involved with contemplative and devotional practices for most of my life. Various kinds of prayer and meditation are central to how I live, so it's no surprise that I'd be drawn to any psycho-therapeutic modality that is rooted in these kinds of activities. Combining this with my17 years of professional experience, and my personal journey of healing over the last few decades, brings me to the most exciting confirmation of my inclinations and efforts.
Dr. Kristin Neff, PhD, is a research psychologist and Assistant Professor at the University of Texas in Austin.
She has been actively spearheading the field of self-compassion research since around the turn of the century, and has written or co-written many articles, chapters and books on the subject, including the one that I'm most familiar with and excited about. It's an audio course (or alternately, a hard copy book) called Self Compassion Step By Step: The Proven Power Of Being Kind To Yourself.
She covers a lot of ground in this 6.5 hour audio course, including many guided meditations, along with her speaking about the various elements and attributes of self compassion, myth correcting, research proven beneficial effects, and overall desirability of this generally radical kind of relating with oneself. One of the most important points to be made, and one of the perhaps newest old ways of thinking about healing, is that there is far more benefit to be gained by changing the WAY we relate with ourselves, rather than becoming fixated on trying to change the WHAT of our experience. And the way that is clearly proving itself to be the most beneficial all around is the way of self compassion.
I'm strongly recommending that you buy the audio course - I favor this over the book because of the guided experiential exercises it contains - and spend the time listening to it and working it. It has been available from
Amazon for $11.49 as a digital download in their MP3 music section. I feel safe in saying categorically that this may be the best eleven dollars you will ever spend.
http://www.mdavid-lpcc.com
Monday, June 23, 2014
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Shadow Work: Oh Boy!
Here's a nutshell in which to understand a lot about the psychological shadow, its effects, it's needs, and some of it's dangers:
The shadow is whatever is present and active in the psyche, but out of consciousness. Out of consciousness may mean I've never been aware of it, or I'm in denial of it, or I've somehow managed to push it aside for reasons usually having something to do with fear/terror, an inability to acknowledge that which is repugnant (or even "too good") about oneself, survival, self image, or the like. We go onto automatic pilot.
The way it usually works is that, that which we do not have available in the light of consciousness will make itself known in indirect, destructive, judgmental, accusing, blaming, hurtful ways in our relationships. We will "project" onto others as qualities they have that which we cannot/will not see or acknowledge in ourselves, or we will react to what we see in others but will not see in ourselves. When this happens, all kinds of undesirable effects follow, from hurtful remarks in intimate relationships to worlds at war. Awareness and personal responsibility are what is required to shift these destructive behaviors and effects.
This is, of course, deep work. We will and must, inevitably, confront truths about ourselves that we are loathe to confront. We will undoubtedly discover qualities of ourselves, thoughts and feelings, that we have not wanted to admit. That we have, perhaps, spent enormous amounts of psychic energy holding far out of our view. This does not mean that we are or will be defined by these discoveries, but that we will need to allow for them, embrace them, understand ourselves in new ways based on this new information, and also then be freer to make choices about how we conduct ourselves in the world.
Matthew's website
The shadow is whatever is present and active in the psyche, but out of consciousness. Out of consciousness may mean I've never been aware of it, or I'm in denial of it, or I've somehow managed to push it aside for reasons usually having something to do with fear/terror, an inability to acknowledge that which is repugnant (or even "too good") about oneself, survival, self image, or the like. We go onto automatic pilot.
The way it usually works is that, that which we do not have available in the light of consciousness will make itself known in indirect, destructive, judgmental, accusing, blaming, hurtful ways in our relationships. We will "project" onto others as qualities they have that which we cannot/will not see or acknowledge in ourselves, or we will react to what we see in others but will not see in ourselves. When this happens, all kinds of undesirable effects follow, from hurtful remarks in intimate relationships to worlds at war. Awareness and personal responsibility are what is required to shift these destructive behaviors and effects.
This is, of course, deep work. We will and must, inevitably, confront truths about ourselves that we are loathe to confront. We will undoubtedly discover qualities of ourselves, thoughts and feelings, that we have not wanted to admit. That we have, perhaps, spent enormous amounts of psychic energy holding far out of our view. This does not mean that we are or will be defined by these discoveries, but that we will need to allow for them, embrace them, understand ourselves in new ways based on this new information, and also then be freer to make choices about how we conduct ourselves in the world.
Matthew's website
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